Narcissistic parents
Narcissistic Parents Are Literally Incapable Of Loving Their Children: Imagine growing up in a home where one of your parents couldn’t truly love you. Where every time you looked to them for encouragement, you were told that you were stupid for even trying.
According to the Mayo Clinic, narcissistic personality disorder is defined as “a mental disorder in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for admiration and a lack of empathy for others. But behind this mask of ultraconfidence lies a fragile self-esteem that’s vulnerable to the slightest criticism.”
The narcissist parent sees their child merely as a possession who can be used to further their own self-interests. They often have issues with boundaries, both physically and emotionally, and unload a lot of emotional baggage onto their kids. Things are either viewed as special/ideal/perfect or worthless/harmful/garbage. There is no in-between, and they treat their children according to those extremes.
This leaves their children wanting desperately to please them (to be on the “love” side of the spectrum, rather than the darker, more hateful side) and they’ll even let their narcissistic parent control their lives, just to keep things running smoothly. Likewise, as long as kids cater to the narcissist’s needs and make them feel good about themselves, they’re more likely to respond positively, making the child’s home life more harmonious. But as kids grow up, they become stronger, more confident, more brave. Narcissistic parents see their children’s independence as a direct threat to the control they want or need over their lives.
Out of desperation to retain control, narcissists will try to deliberately sabotage their child’s sense of self-worth. Some of the common tactics they use include creating unhealthy competitions, using guilt and blame, giving ultimatums, and/or putting their child down (by telling them they’re fat, ugly, useless, stupid, etc.) to try to keep their child’s confidence low.
It’s not surprising that many kids who grow up in these types of unhealthy environments develop feelings of guilt and low self-esteem that they later carry into adulthood. Kids raised by narcissistic parents are less likely to develop a realistic self-image.
As children of narcissists become adults, they have to learn there’s a difference between real love and narcissistic “love.” And that includes coming to terms with the fact that what they’ve experienced is actually emotional abuse and constant gaslighting.
The cycle of abuse and control doesn’t end because you’ve left the nest. Narcissists can’t turn themselves off.
They’re constantly belittled and treated as if they’ll never be good enough. But it’s the parent, not the child, who has the problem — a personality disorder that renders them physically incapable of empathy and love.
https://www.scarymommy.com/narcissistic-parents-incapable-loving-children/
How Does Someone “Get” a Narcissistic Personality Disorder?
Narcissistic Personality Disorders are a byproduct of certain childhoodfamily environments. All children want their parents’ approval and attention. Children adapt to their homes, and often the most productive and reasonable adaptation to some home situations is to become a Narcissist. Below are some common scenarios that can contribute to children becoming Narcissistic.
The Perception of Flaws & Shame – When parents idealize their children, the children may become ashamed when they see any flaws in themselves. This can lead them to keep striving for perfection and proof that they are flawless and worth idealizing.
Stunted Development of the Real Self – In this process, children may lose touch with their real selves and real likes and dislikes. Instead of exploring who they really are and where their true interests and talents lie, they can get off track entirely and spend their time only doing things that they are already good at and they think will get their parents’ approval.
Too much parental idealization may lead to an unbalanced view of the self. When this happens, the child then perceives any flaws as unacceptable and strives to be seen as perfect.
Once you know what to look for, it is easy to see how certain childhood home environments support Narcissistic adaptations by the children. In some homes, becoming a Narcissist is often the only sane solution.
The Mirror - Raquel Soares Freitas 